So it has been a really really long time! I'm sure everyone who reads my blog, which isn't many, would love to hear what is going on in my life! :)
Well I'm happy to announce that ever since I have my new attitude about life, things have started looking up for me. My theory? You can't change what is going on around you, you can only change what you are doing. You just have to accept things for the way they are. And ya, it sucks, but honestly, I feel less stressed out and I'm even happier than what I was. :)
Joel and I are doing great. He is truly amazing and I feel truly blessed. He takes such good care of Bryn and I. Bryn loves telling everyone that Joel is her best friend. And whenever we go out together she is inseparable from him. Ya it sucks for me, but I've never seen her so happy with a guy that I've dated before and feel safe. This is what I've been waiting for for a long time. I just have to brag about my man for a minute. About a month ago I was in a lot of pain (this pregnancy is really hard on my body for some reason) Anyway, he surprised me and got me a 6 month prenatal massage session. For the next 6 months I get a free massage when I need it most! Not to mention, my phone has fallen in the toilet so many times it started running slow, he went and bought me a new phone and it is amazing! I LOVE it! :)
Now the other day I was having really bad back contractions and my doctor said that they were pre-labor pains and so I was afraid that I would go into labor and I sat there and started to cry, I am not ready for this. I having nothing, I'm not caught up on my bills yet, which was my goal before the baby came, I have no idea what I'm doing. I can't remember anything. I don't even remember what I need other than clothes, diapers, wipes and milk. I don't know how to breast feed, I don't know what I need to breastfeed, I don't remember how to hold a baby, let a lone raise one. I just broke down and called Joel. I'm terrified, I feel like a new mother all over again and the worst part is, I don't know what to do.I haven't settled into a place yet, I am still in school trying desperately to get A's and B's, I haven't even figured out day care yet. Joel said he would call me back. Within 20 minutes he called me and said, "Babe, everything is taken care of." I'm like what?
Joel told me that all he wants me to worry about is resting. He talked to his sister and she is going to look for things for me where I can get a stroller, car seat, anything I need for the cheapest price, call Joel and let him know where to go. Then he will be looking for place to live every second he can spare and promises by the end of the month we'll be into a place. As for day care, right now, its not a big deal, once the baby comes I'll be home for awhile and I can worry then. We'll transfer Bryn to a new one once we find a place to live.Well then he suprised me and actually bought the stroller and car seat for me! They are amazing. He is so funny he loves saying that the stroller is like the bentley of strollers. I honestly don't know what I would do with out this man. He is my everything. I can honestly say that I love him with all my heart, and I am so grateful for everything he has done for me.
I just wanted to share something about what I have learned, not easily and not willingly. Today as I sat and cried in the hallway at work, I can't tell you how many of my coworkers have seen me cry, but thats besides the point, I wondered what I could do to fix the situation, or make me feel better, more of a vengence sort of thought. I am terrified of my ex, my babys dad, Tony. Not chris, we like chris. Tony is bad. Naughty as bryn likes to say. Anyway. I am terrified of him and his fiance. I know my pregnancy has been rough, but I do love this sweet little girl. Anyway continuing, I sat there wondering what I could do, my mind was blank. I have heard the adoption, thats not for me. This is what I have finally decided and feel ok with it, these are the way things are, they will never change as much as I wish they would. I can either try to fix and prevent, or I can accept and move on. Which is what I've concluded, accepting and moving on. Ya it will be rough, but sometimes that is why you have great family to help, and friends to support. If you believe in yourself and tell yourself that you can do anything you put your mind to, no matter how impossible it may seem, I promise you your blessings will be shown. You will find away and you will become stronger for it. Just remember to keep your best foot forward, which in my case, is my right ;)
Bryn loves playing with her cousins. For her birthday this year we went to discovery gateway with her cousins Tajaih and AJ, and my friend Ashlee and her son Dax. It was fun day! All Bryn wanted was Ariel. Thanks Renee! :) Dax is such a cutie! Christy made sure she got involved too! Who wouldn't want to ride this horse? Pretty sure they make the cutest construction workers ever! Bryn is the best little girl ever. I know she will be the greatest big sister just because she is an angel and is always wanting to help out. I love you baby! :)